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User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Rick Grimes vs Buffy Summers. Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5 Mid-Season Finale
In light of how fucking colossal this battle is, here's two other reasonably sized battles you may have missed that would waste a lot less of your time than this one Hello everyone, and welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5 finally. Jesus on a cheese cracker this battle took forever to get out. Beyond being a literal month since Crooked vs Follower, this battle's doc has been around since April Fool's Day. Yea. Anyways, first things first, shout-out to the plethora of guests this battle has to offer, starting with GravityMan for writing his verse within the same hour I asked him to do it, WonderPikachu12, Mystical Trixter, BackToTheFuturama86 and TKandMit for their verses. A special shout-out to Jella141 who was originally slated to write for Rick Grimes, but unfortunately due to time constraints was not able to finish. As for the battle itself, second combatant to the series to represent the AMC hit TV show based on comics, Rick Grimes raps against none other than television icon and famed Vampire slayer, Buffy Summers to see who's the better undead slayer to hail from television and comics. However, their respective occupations are backed up by others who want a say in things. A lot of other people. This battle is over eight verses long, so if you really have the patience to sit through it, it's seven minutes total, and I commend you. GG. Just to get this out the way, yes, I totally fucked with you with the hints. Special thanks to Tkid, as I told Cave that he was in the battle just to fuck with him and Trent totally played along with it. I promise I won't do it again. maybe. Furthermore, for future insight, I know the story is totally just an orgy of all my favorite characters from media. Yes, I do regret making Max & Chloe the main focus. No, it will not be getting any better, I have to see it through for you'll-find-out reasons. In fact, the next five battles whenever they happen will be featuring a decent population of obscure character's I'm fond of, so I'm gonna start making rap meanings and those little bio things I did for Helena vs Powell soon so it's not as easy to get lost in the obscurity. Scrapped lyrics as well, hopefully. Anyways, enough rambling, enjoy the Mid-Season Finale. I need a break. Beat Intro Announcer: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR! VS! BEGIN! The Battle Rick Grimes: I don’t need a hand in this rap; I’ve handled Georgian Summers, Your show’s the real Walking Dead; three seasons late down under You got pissed in Season Six when your friends brought you back home But when the dead come a ringing, bitch, I pick up the phone ‘Cause I know I got a job to do, protecting me and mine, While your plotlines are so dug up, they’re gettin’ covered in Grimes You’re no Alpha, just a Barbie with a personality as nasty as her libido I’m a limpin’ pimpin’ badass, got the readers hooked on a fucking radio And I’m on a praised role! The human race and the ratings I be leadin’ Your acting’s bland; Ultron’s not the first robot to be ruined by Whedon I’m like Jesus, packing heat - spitting in the face of evil So a Scooby Gang versus my team? You’re fucking with the wrong people. Buffy Summers: Now that this grimy dick is done, it's time for a Spike in quality Because beating obnoxious, monstrous rehashes like you is my calling It's a shame. Every season of yours is the same. Do away with the worst slayer in the game When it comes to lame-os, I bring the pain, yo! I'm so strong, it's in my name! Now look, usually it's against my slayer code to kill any fellow human But there's no protection for this grotesque man who'd go and kill his own best friend! You can't even save your own survival group, while I'm saving a whole town! Just like you had your son do to his own mother, I'll be putting you down. You can't defend against my disses, because my lineage is endless! Another slayer shall take my place if you're actually able to end this! But as I grip the mic like a stake, I'll be sending you all the way back to Georgia, Cause I'm known for putting people with too much Faith right back into comas! Tank Dempsey: (FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!) Rolling onto the set to pop some caps off, And back up the rad cop with rap talk, Dempsey’s turning this into Black Ops! So back off! I fight puppies that are more of a toughie than Buffy and muggle boy This weak fag and freak bag are a two-for-one! (DOUBLE POINTS!) Can’t spar with me, my harder bars secrete a Harmony of Diss-onance, Your vigilance against Ghosts n Goblin’s can’t just be coincidence! Your scary fairy tale’s hairy males rarely prevail - you’re just shy and frail While I break ranks like a Tank and dish out the burns like a (FIRE SALE!) My BARs Pack-a-Punch to munch a rap and smash in your Jugger-Noggins The most vile Goblin you’re callin’ a problem couldn’t even handle Richtofen! I’ll make any trampy Vamp scram once you hear what my Ray Gun’s gotta say to ya, (INSTA KILL!) I’ll send this whip-fetishist BD bitch back to Trans-ylvania! Simon Belmont: Halt! Allow the OG Vampire Killer to step in and whip up a lively rhyme My lines so divine, you'll be speechless, then Sheriff can't shout his son's name all the time! I'll unload into Rick and this dick quicker than they need to unload a new clip, I don't need guns to make the dead my bitch, so just stand back and watch me whip! Demp- you seem dense, You Goddamn Bathead. You don't look steady, maybe take a Breath. You guys act like killing the undead is a big deal, wanna know something? I killed DEATH! How can Tank kill on the mic anyhow when his younger form already pulled his lifeline? Belmonts' been in the monster slaughtering job for ages, check my family's timeline! Your series is the same every game, so soulless that even your zombies seem more alive, While my franchise thrives! Your deprived hide couldn't even hope for a Quick Revive! Your team isn't the only thing in the Fritz, I spit so sick I'll need more than a med kit, Cuz when the dreaded redheaded shreds it you'll regret it- -GOD DAMN IT, I GET IT! Shaun & Ed: ‘Ello mates, fakes, and Blade. Have you all heard the buzz? The World Ends when Shaun delivers rhymes Hotter than the Fuzz You’re dead! Remove your head and what’s inside? Absolutely Zed! You’ve got dread on you; don’t cross me. Yeah, fuck you, cunt! ED! There’s no need to chime in here, this gothic Cullen clone’s harmless Plus, I’m already breaking records ‘gainst this Fresh Prince of Darkness I’m Dawn of the Dead, you’re worse than Dracula: Dead and Loving It You look like BDSM CGI, and I know you’re not the dominant Cause I’m the best in the film industry, eviscerating you viciously Making this the worst failure this dull Blade’s suffered, besides Trinity Cause I’m the Wright man for the job, you got Sniped by Del Toro Clever rapping? It’s clear you’ve taken shortcuts before! (Ohh!) Blade: Horror-Comedy is accurate; Not your scripts, it’s your chatter on the track that invokes laughter But your safest tactic to surpass this would be to practice acting like an actual rapper Mid-life struggles are hardly trouble compared to when I bring you a different Crisis You’d be safer getting bit and turning into a lifeless hivemind like your sidekick Reach a compromise like when your Mom was zombified, I’ll be the one to pull the trigger The iller undead killer delivers a Slice of Fried Gold because I can’t take Silver Drop bombs on Shaun the zombie rom-com, you’re not bright enough to try killing me Leave you looking pink in the face, you’re the Strawberry of the Cornetto trilogy Garlic’d a sorry brit with harder spit from the United States Sharper than the way of my namesake but you don’t know what’s at Stake Snap your pitiful rap, cricket bat and brittle back, Now you Can’t Stop Me So much that you don’t have to ask who died to make me King of the fucking Zombies Ash Williams: Here comes the hell raising Helsing against the Chosen One See, I’m not the good or the bad guy, I’m the guy with the gun. You think that your traps and tricks will fool me? Your moves need to come more… Groovy. Yes, you did battle with Dracula. It’s deadite clones of me I fight! You’ve been training all your life, I became a legend overnight! Garlic and crosses? Try me and my shotguns and chainsaws! You’re scared of a bat, I’m at odds with hellspawns! You can’t be too S-Mart to start shit with Ash when it’s getting dark. I’ll GO CRAZY! My Medieval buds will rip you apart! Now while you stand before me, reading your boring stories, I’ll make Krueger look more gory and tear a new one for Voorhees Van Helsing: Better drop the sins; The Doctor’s In, rockin’ a zombie slayer, Since his worst perpetrators a groggy hockey player From the darkness harks the hardest forefather of the genre, Ready to spar wits with his target; You’ll be Dead by Dawn You’re as good as a walking carcass if you try to get through me Because now your legacy is tarnished by cash-grabbing movies Your time-traveling’s like your rhyme grappling, it’s saddeningly goofy When your better-erased-remake didn’t leave the fans saying “Groovy” Inspire harm against your firearms like your right arm, what were you thinkin’? Four Score on the board when I go AbraH.A.M. harder than Lincoln Burn Ash in a flash because like his clone, he’s a finicky fraud So now YOU, dethroned “King,” can hail to an industry’s God ... ... ... Are you really a God? ...well, no, not rea- Then FRY! Ghostbusters: (Peter, Ray, Egon, Winston) Not even the flowers are standing after a verse from the zombie team, But we’re coming stocked with schemes, so don’t cross our stream! If the undead's at your doorstep and you wanna brawl, (Ghostbusters!) The freaks ain’t Who You Gonna Call! Let’s heat ‘em up! I’m sweepin’ up a revivalist My lines are sick; but back off, doc, I’m a scientist This stupid boomstick-suiting lunatic’s time’s up But you necronomican’t match the way my rhymes Bust! You’ve got no sense of humor so I’m the one who’ll laugh at ya, With wits sharper than a Blade to stab back at Blacula! Your brain can only be used as food whereas I’m a prodigy, Just think of it like a Twinkie from a better zombie comedy Unlike sequels of C-o-D, you can’t get enough of me, We put down Zuul while this bitch brags about beating Fluffy! Belmont befell the invisible but it’s him that’s see-through, Since he’s about as manly as our 2016 reboot! I’ve heard stories on why Lori left Sheriff Rick; But they’re true… this man has no dick. Raining on Summer’s parade and leaving no survivors, ‘Cause your Scooby-Doo gang couldn’t even beat Slimer! These dimwits still may think that there’s a chance they can win it, But I won’t believe that ‘less there’s a steady paycheck in it We Came, We Saw, We Kicked Ass when we flowed, (Ghostbusters!) I ain’t afraid of no roast Announcer: WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP-''' I ain't afraid of no ghost. ...BATTLES OF HORROR! Outro Who won? Zombie Slayers Vampire Hunters Ghostbusters Special thanks to: - GravityMan and TKandMit partially for writing for Rick Grimes - WonderPikachu12 for writing as Buffy Summers - Mystical Trixter for writing as Simon Belmont - BackToTheFuturama86 for writing as Shaun - TKandMit for writing as Ash Williams I wrote for Tank Dempsey, Blade, Van Helsing and The Ghostbusters. '''HINT DECODING Lucille Ball - References Lucille, the main weapon of Negan, a main character from the Walking Dead tied to Rick Grimes. Originally, I was going to feature a joke with Negan starting the rap and Rick killing him, but Wonder beat me to it, so uh??? Daphne - Not only does Daphne share an actor with Buffy in the live action Scooby-Doo films, but Buffy's gang is called the "Scooby Gang." The picture mimics the "DON'T OPEN, DEAD INSIDE" shot from The Walking Dead, as well as the movie the screen is taken from being a zombie-based feature. Dog chasing a heart - The heart is actually a Soul from Undertale. The dog chasing after it mimics the phrase FETCH ME THEIR SOULS from Call of Duty, marking Tank Dempsey. Star Lord and Shadow the Hedgehog - Pun on the title of a Castlevania game, "Lord of Shadows," the main series that features Simon Belmont. Don't Stop Me Now - In reference to a famous scene from Shaun of the Dead. Probably the most blatant hint I've ever done. Blacula - Blade is a black vampire. I'm terrible. Ash Williams - Ash Williams. Abraham Lincoln - In reference not only to the famous book and movie, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but also shares a first name with Abraham Van Helsing. HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE: Very flat detail.png Valid_friend_dorothy's.jpg Very_fake_defender.jpg Verified_fair_divide.jpg volumn facade danger.png What was the best battle of this set? L vs A Helena vs Reverend Harry Powell Insane Clown Posse vs Marilyn Manson The Crooked Man vs It Follows Rick Grimes vs Buffy Summers Which set was better? Set 1 Set 2 Category:Blog posts